I received a call from a frantic client today yelling about a pipe bursting in their building and flooding the carpet along with items that were on the floor. I asked her what action she was taking in an attempt to empower her and get her to positively begin to shift her mind to a present resolution. She began to explain how she was telling the maintenance people that they have to fix this now and she can’t stay there, there will be mold that causes cancer, blah blah…. I am not downplaying her concern or the magnitude of the issue. It’s scary to have something like this happen as well as losing control and not knowing what the future holds. However, there are several things that I would like to support her with. First, get her to be present to the current situation and not make it worse than it really is. Second, to begin creating an action plan on how to confront this constructively and Third is to ask how this can be a positive issue just to rewire the programming a bit. Some examples can be, she will be moved to a nicer place, she can get the ownership to pay for a nice hotel for a few nights and make it a mini vacation and besides everything is insured;-)
Each of us handles Conflict or Confronts Issues in different ways. These are all based on our comfort level with conflict resolution and our internal relationship with ourselves.
- Smoothing Over
- Strategic Resolution
Which do you think she used? You are correct, Pushing!
The first three are positions of weakness like playing victim, giving up, empowering others to deal with your issues, engaging in negative energy like worrying, or arguing. We can use these to get results as well but the cost of negative energy and the low frequency transmission will continue to attract these types of low frequency negative outcomes to us, but there is no fulfillment in our lives. The last two are more challenging but are the most satisfying. A negotiation that is done in a way that is a win for both sides is empowering especially when both sides feel that it is a fair deal. Being Strategic in resolving your issue usually goes right to the heart of the underlying cause, deals with facts and has long term residual positive effects. These are some Issue Resolution techniques that I coach in my Personal Relationship Coaching:
- Everyone involved with the conflict must take responsibility and committed to resolving it. What are you committed to? What is the outcomes you want to react? What does a creative resolution look like?
- Listening is key. People say they are committed to a resolution but then get into an argument just because they refuse to listen to the other side. Check in with the language you are using. Always approach the issue knowing that the other side is equally interested in working through the problem to reach a solution. Am I open to learning something? What am I really upset about? Do I know all the facts?
- Be open to see another point of view. Don’t make absolute statements treated as facts when they are simply opinions. Listen to really understand. What will make me feel good now? Do they have a short term and long term resolution proposal? What is great about this?
- Be open to create a phased resolution approach checking in with yourself to make sure that each phase has at least one empowering element and one element that make you feel good. That is giving yourself love. Make requests that are clearly aligned with your needs and be present and acceptable to options that may be proposed. Formalize the resolution in writing so both sides have a clear vision, purpose and understand everyone’s responsibilities.
- Most Importantly, TAKE ACTION and be proactive!! You are not a victim of circumstances. You are empowered to resolve any issue that comes up if you apply the three pillars of Len May Coaching; Gratitude – What are you grateful for that you have now? Compassion – How does this effect others? Love – What resolution will be fulfilling to you?
Always communicate what is a win for you and you never know if that win is mutual!
Your situation does not improve by Chance it improves by Change. So Take Action and Love your Life!